Thursday, October 29, 2020

The astonishing reason a French footballer was handed 5 year ban

As per Bleacher Report, a French amateur footballer has been handed a whopping five year ban from football for (I promise I haven’t made this up) biting the penis of an opposition player.

This is genuinely the most astonishing football story I’ve ever read for a number of reasons, not least that the VICTIM was given a six-month ban for his role in the altercation.

The story reportedly took place after a 1-1 draw between French amateur sides Terville and Soetrich in north-east France. There was an altercation between two players, one from each side, in the car park after the game.

Apparently, a second member of the Terville squad stepped in to break up the fight and as a thanks for his peacemaking exploits, the Soetrich player in involved in the altercation took a bite out of his c*ck and left him requiring ten stitches… Again, I promise you I have not made this up.

What I don’t get is that the Terville player, who was simply trying to break up a fight when the French Hannibal Lecter decided to chomp on his gentleman regions and yet HE STILL GETS A BAN! How on Earth is that fair for crying out loud?

Emmanuel Saling, the director of the local Moselle district, spoke of how rare lengthy bans like this one are.

French delicacy?

“The events took place after the match, in the stadium car park,” said Saling. “There was an altercation, an escalation and things got worse.

“It’s quite rare to have sanctions of several years, there are less than 10 per year. The case was a bit saucy, but … there must have been some nasty tension, so the smiles on the disciplinary committee quickly faded.”

As if losing a player to penis surgery wasn’t enough, Terville were fighting for their first points of the season in this game and were pleased to have gotten off the mark. However, they were handed a €200 fine AND docked two points for failing to meet safety obligations and act appropriately when a fight broke out…

Genuinely, I am lost for words. This is probably one of the weirdest stories I’ve ever written to be frank, it’s also probably my favourite.

As if it wasn’t already hilarious, the two sides will face each other again in 2eme Division Groupe A on May 17. If the French television broadcasters don’t have a camera crew at this game I’ll be very disappointed. Just saying…

Normally this is the point where I’d say something along the lines of “for more like this, click here” but I fear there’ll never be another story like this one.

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